


fernweh

by wingsaloof



Category: Original Work
Genre: Chance Meetings, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Getting Back Together, Multi, Other, Romance, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 21:09:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13796421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingsaloof/pseuds/wingsaloof
Summary: Two people walk into a pub and bump into each other for the first time in years. One of them used to be in love with the other one.What's funny in a joke like that?





	fernweh

**Author's Note:**

> [translation of a little something i did in portuguese last year](https://www.wattpad.com/story/109887002-fernweh)

 

"I've heard there's some gossip going around."

"About who?"

"About us. Apparently, people are convinced we're dating."

A laugh came out, trying to hide an unfulfilled wish.

 

* * *

 

"Too bad your college is so far away." An embarrassed smile. "I'm going to miss you."

"Me too." The reply comes out suffocated, but filled with emotion. "Thank you for everything."

It's the last day of high school and their backpack is full of regrets, longing, hidden tears and an unknown future in a distant place.

 

* * *

 

 

'Being an adult is distressing', it's what they would thought during the first months after college. They worked in a 9-to-5 job, frequently doing extra hours, and even though they had so many complains, in the end they got used to it. Their workplace was some business in a skyscraper in the city center, in a not very big company that wasn't small at all. Enough size for its workers to have enough stuff to do five days a week, eight (or more) hours per day.

After the third or fourth year, they got fond of a small pub in a parallel street, making a habit of having dinner over there. The preference was for Mondays through Wednesdays, since less customers came in and out in the beginning of the week. They didn't mind staying out until late, after all, there was no one waiting for them at home. The food was good and they never had alcohol enough to get drunk and lost on their way. Hangovers were rare and they knew how to deal with it anyway.

In summary, it was a stagnant life. Wake up, have breakfast, watch the news, go to the subway station, go to the skyscraper, work, lunch break, more work, go to the pub, eat something, catch the bus, shower, watch the news while cleaning up, go to sleep.

Repeat five times a week.

Even weekends were the same, to be honest. Off days were spent at home, watching movies, eating pizza, reading, sometimes sorting out extra work.

Always the same.

There's no way anything could go different on that Thursday.

Their boss yelled as always, the train was packed like always, the lunch was tasteless as always, and like always, they decided to gulp something down to forget their bad thoughts after another day like the others. Going to the same pub as always, they planned to get their favorite drink and a serving of french fries. They weren't up for dinner on that day.

Thank God, because they lost their appetite right away when walking into the establishment.

Sitting at the bar, ordering something, there was someone who once had been the most important person of their life. The person who they loved so dearly during their youth, even though it always had been an unrequited feeling, they were there, a few steps away, looking tired, something they had never seen before. Their spine was curving up, their shoulders slumped. Their hair was thinning, they looked chubbier, their clothes a mess. Even if they looked completely different, it was possible to recognize every hint from the past. After all, they would recognize them anywhere.

What should they do? Turn on their heels and go away? Sit as distant as possible from the bar? Just go there and strike up some friendly conversation? Before they could think properly, a familiar voice, even if more rough now, called their name.

"Oh, I hadn't recognized you!" They smiled, hiding their panic. "We hadn't seen each other in so long!"

They ended up going with the flow. In the few years they spent away from this city, so many things happened to their old crush. They dropped out from college, started studying other stuff, got married, had kids, divorced, dated someone else, broke up, decided to stay single for a while, did part-time jobs, started studying again, got an internship, was promoted to full-time employee, won a raffle for a travel overseas, adopted a puppy. Not in this order, necessarily.

"If we compare ourselves, you look straight out of a movie." They commented, sounding a bit melancholic.

"What have you been doing?"

They thought of lying, coming up with an amazing life and pretend their words were just them being humble. Create travels, merits, auditions, lovers, family, businesses, anything that could sound interesting and awesome.

Obviously, they couldn't bring themselves to do it.

"I work in a company around here. Accounting, stuff like that."

"You've always been good at Math, after all."

There was the hook to start talking about the old times and drown themselves in nostalgia. To remember the days spent dreaming about smiles, warm hands, soft kisses. To miss a past that never happened. 

They had to get a bit more drunk before that happened.

 

Seems like the "get drunk so I won't be ashamed of my past" tactic works quite well.

Even if the conversation hadn't gone down through the 'romance' route, their old love was pretty good at bringing up embarrassing moments. 'Remember when you called our teacher 'mom' during the school trip?' 'Remember when your pants got ripped during P.E.?' 'Remember that day when we were running after the school bus and your backpack got stuck in the door and you fell down and hit your head on the stairs?'

Not every memory has to be beautiful to be important, apparently.

"Remember that time when a girl from the class besides ours burst into our classroom screaming her love for our teacher?"

Damn straight they remembered. That had been some next level second-hand embarrassment, and poor girl, they pitied her so much after that. The teacher was already engaged to someone else in secret, and the rumors about him weren't very family friendly. No one ever knew if any part of it was true, but they always thought he was sketchy.

"I found her during lunch, later that day. Crying nonstop behind the gymnasium."

"What were you doing at the gym?" Their question came out louder than intended, thanks to the effect of alcohol and surprise.

"I was looking for the P.E. teacher, duh. What else could it be?"

"Who knows? Maybe you were into the girl and wanted to comfort her?"

"Look in my eyes and tell me I'm someone who would fall for a person I've never talked to."

"Well, yeah, you're right." They laughed, taking another sip.

That sentence was an answer to their curiosity. They asked themselves, sometimes, if they had ever failed to hide their feelings. If the person they loved knew about them. Seems like that wasn't the case, and somehow that was a relief. It was embarrassing enough to think about the past without going down this rabbit hole.

"Speaking of it, you never dated at all during middle or high school, right? Lack of interest or were you already in love with someone?"

"Both. The person I loved was out of my reach and I had to focus on studying."

"I see, what a shame. I'm sure anyone who dated you would become really happy."

"I don't need your pity." They felt like sighing, a sudden sadness taking over them. "At least it wasn't me who got married and divorced right away."

"Whoa, sorry."

"No, I'm sorry." The sigh came out as they stood up. "I've drank too much, I'm going home."

"Want me to call a cab?"

"No, thanks. I'll walk to the station, I need to get some fresh air."

"Can I keep you company?"

They stayed silent for a moment. "You don't even live that way. I was paying attention to your stories, you know."

"Yeah, but I can't leave behind someone this drunk. Especially you, since you can't handle yourself when you're like that."

Damn nostalgia that made their heart speed up, thumping strongly, as if they were 16 again.

 

"Okay, you can go home now." Ticket in hand, there was no longer a reason to keep company. "I know how to behave on public transportation."

"Come on, don't talk like this. I want to be with you a little longer. I really missed you a lot when you moved." They wanted to cry, listening to all of that. If this was happening years ago, they would have ran towards them and hugged them. But now, they just wanted to go home before they could further embarrass themselves. "I've always been so fond of you."

"I also have always been fond of you." They answered. "Unfortunately, time keeps flowing and I can't do anything about that. I had to move away and you followed on with your life. That's how things work. We'll see each other around."

They stayed in silence as the speakers announced the train would soon be arriving on platform two. If they tried to say anything, their voice would fail them and they would start crying, so it was better to just keep waiting like that, with no words around them. Finally, the wagons arrived, one by one, with their thunderous noise and strong wind.

"See you around, then." Even if they smiled, their voice was overflowing with sadness. "I'm really sorry."

"For what?"

"I knew you loved me, yet, I never had the courage to say anything."

As if God wanted to spare them from more humiliation, the doors opened. They sprinted to the inside of the wagon, but even so, the words reached them.

"I loved you too! I've always loved you!"

The doors closed and the train started moving, leaving behind a bittersweet memory. With its soft rocking, it carried a part of that memory, whose tears flowed down like a stream.

 

* * *

 

 

It was too bright outside to open their eyes, even if the curtain was doing its best to block sunlight. The noise coming from the street was deafening, their eardrums were about to burst. After a while, the reminder that they had to go to work appeared on their mind, but their head was spinning too much to make something out of it. It was as if Earth and the gravity wanted to remind them of how things functioned.

Taking a deep breath, they sat up. A bitter taste flooded over their mouth, making they want to throw up. It was some outstanding hangover, but they had to push on to survive another day and go on with their routine.

As if laughing over the situation, they phone started ringing, bringing tons of notifications. Sliding their finger through the screen, a chain of messages appeared, making them squint to try to read it.

 

(unknown number): you made it home with no problems?

(unknown number): if you need any help with the handover, im here

(unknown number): *hangover lol

(unknown number): you must be very pissed off bc of me but i was serious about seeing you again

(unknown number): btw you need to meet my daughter!!

(unknown number): im very sorry for what happened yesterday

(unknown number): but its all true. i have always loved you

(unknown number): actually if you gave me another chance to at least just be friends id love that more than anything else in the world

(unknown number): btw i cant find my glasses case, is it in your bag?

 

Once again, the tears welled up in the corner of their eyes.

 

(you): how did you get my number??

(unknown number): ;)

 

They couldn't help but laugh. Time to get up and do something different than just roll around in bed, for example, search for a glasses case inside their backpack.

**Author's Note:**

> y'all have no idea how hard is to write a entire story being gender neutral in portuguese


End file.
